RULES OF THE MESS
Attention: the following is a list of rules under which the mess will be conducted; they are designed to conform to tradition and promote levity. Infractions of these rules will be judged as a heinous and classless offense to the Mess and subject to penalty as meted out by the President. Thou shalt arrive within 10 minutes of the appointed hour. Thou shalt make every effort to meet all guests. Thou shalt move to the Mess when thou heareth the chimes and remain standing until seated by the President. Thou shalt not leave the mess for calls of nature or any other pressing matter unless the mess is adjourned or dismissed Thou shalt not question the decision of the President, otherwise known as caviling Thou shalt keep toasts and comments within the limits of good taste and mutual respect. Degrading or insulting remarks will be frowned upon by the membership. However, good-natured needling is encouraged. Thou shalt not use any portion of the decorations or food items as projectiles, unless of course, following the example of the President. Thou shalt not murder the Queen’s English. Thou shalt always use the proper toasting procedure. Thou shalt not laugh at ridiculously funny comments unless the President first shows approval by laughing. Thou shalt express thy approval by tapping thy spoon on thy table. Clapping of thy hands will not be tolerated. Thou shalt rise and wait for the President and guests to leave, when the Mess adjourns. Thou shalt not begin eating a course of the meal before members of the head table. Thou shalt enjoy thyself to thy fullest.